Whenever I hear...

Paisley's laugh...I smile

Whenever I see...

Claire smile with her whole body...I smile

Whenever I touch...

my husband's wedding band...I smile

Whenever I feel...

Overwhelmed by my blessings...I smile

Whenever I smell....

baked goods....I smile

I feel really blessed even with the hard parts of being a mother, I can't help but feel blessed.  My heart is full and I am so grateful for the Christmas Season.  People spend more time thinking about what they can give...and what they have and being grateful!  I'm especially grateful that myself and my family are healthy and can feel and smell and sing and laugh...

I'm grateful for so many things...and that makes me smile :-D

and time passes on...

Often times we go through life not really noticing our little blessings.  You know the simple things.

Babies laughing
Husband/wife smiling
Snuggling on the couch
Cooking with your husband/wife
Toddler napping
Happy in life (that doesn't mean you have everything you want...just what you need)
Car starts when you want it too
Redbox (lol)

That's a short list and certainly we all appreciate different things.  For me lately I've really been reminded how much I have to be grateful for in my life.  First and foremost, my marriage.  Some people don't have it as easy as I do.  Don't get me wrong, we work at our marriage all the time and fortunately BOTH of us try really hard to make sure it is a priority and a joy.  That being said, I have a husband who is amazing and wonderful.  He doesn't sweat the small stuff and I'm learning to be better at that because of him. 

I've noticed as a worrier myself, that I can actually make myself sick with worry.  That doesn't really happen to Jake...and it sure seems like a nice way to live life!  I think as human beings we have a tendency to really "live" in the sorrow, sadness, pain, darkness...whatever you want to call it.  My Dad would say "Wo is me"...lots would call it a "pity party".  We tend to focus on what we don't have, how we were short-changed, and even how we just aren't as lucky as so-and-so in life. 

Why is that? 

I offer a different solution...and mind you, I don't think it's my own.  I've just come to a better understanding of this philosphy.

LIVE, like there's no tomorrow

Seriously.  When you don't have an opportunity to fix/change something you tend to accept it and move on.  AND you work harder to be around people and things you enjoy, you pay more attention to what and who those things and people are and you APPRECIATE them!

Lots of people say marriage is 50/50.  I totally disagree!  Marriage is 100/100.  If I am putting 100% of my energy/efforts into meeting the needs of my spouse and to creating a comfortable and happy environment and my spouse is doing the same....BOTH our needs are met and we are happy and comfortable.  I like the sound of that!  (now I can't control if we have a screaming toddler some of the time...so I have to be reasonable).

And here's another thing I read that really struck me:

"Spend your time getting to know your spouse NOT trying to change them."

WHAT...?  I know totally profound right!?!  It kind of goes hand in hand with that saying "accept the things you cannot change....yada yada yada".  I've been blessed to have learned a bit from my previous long relationships prior to my marriage.  Hard times, poor decisions, sad times and did I mention POOR DECISIONS?  However, I've learned to really try to embrace the things that I've been through/put myself through.  I wouldn't function in a relationship now if I hadn't figured out how I was not functioning in my previous relationships.  Of course this is an ongoing journey..."such is life" :)

What I hope for my life is that time doesn't just pass on.  I hope it's marked with lots and lots of memories and good times and that none of it is wasted (or at least very little) wallowing in self pity for the things I can't control especially. 

Sometimes we need to just take a moment and "live" in our pain, whatever it may be, and I'm a believer in letting yourself feel....for a moment.  Then pick yourself up or let someone help you up and LIVE, really live.

Because if there is one thing we truly cannot control it's that....time passes on.

Things I hope I remember about new babies...

Being pregnant just makes me think of the things I want to remember when I'm in the heat of the moment, ya know, with Paisley pulling on my pant leg and #2 crying.

So I thought I'd make a list of the things I want to remember....in those moments especially!

-sleep...when you can...sleep
-with a newborn it can only be a few things that you have control over:
       1-diaper change
       2-tired
       3-empty or full belly (food or mylicon)
       4-hot or cold
       5-diaper change (I say this twice because it seems like it was more often than not...this problem)
-it's okay to want to hold your baby all the time
-it's okay to put your baby down
-look at your baby...even when they are crying...it will help...you will "see" them
-smile at your baby all the time
-ask for help!!!
-remind yourself..."I am the expert on my baby"...because you are, nobody else is around them like you are...
-get lots of advice THEN choose what you think/know will work for you and your baby...there's so much advice our there because different things work for different people!
-breathe
-sing to your baby, to yourself...whenever you can...it lightens your heart

I'm sure there is more...I will have to do this again...it's nice to feel like I have something to offer myself and my children.  I'm a pretty good Mom...because I try to be, because I want to be, because I was meant to be.

our minds can only focus on one thing at a time....

Jake and I were talking about being positive in a marriage.  I mentioned I'd read in a lesson manual that if we focus on the positives of our spouse it will make it easier to forgive their shortcomings.  He said he learned in school (can't remember which class) that the human brain really can only focus on one thing at a time.  Multi-tasking is really just an ability to switch between multiple things/thoughts quickly. 

That made a lot of sense to me, because I could often say that when I'm multi-tasking the things I am doing are not really getting done as well as they could.  I would imagine that's because they aren't being alotted my real attention :)

SO....if we focus on the positive attributes of our spouse...while we are doing that, we really won't be able to focus on the negative...sounds good to me!

Of course as I am writing this the darn light in the living room above me is flickering and I can't help but wonder if every time I think about that I am removing some of my thought power to write this post :)

Simple Words....

This morning my husband reminded me how easy it is to bring joy to each other.  This morning as both of us were sleep deprived for different reasons he had to get out of bed before me to meet someone.  He prepared himself for the morning and took a break or two from that to rub my back and play with my hair two things I love a lot!  Then he said "I think I don't tell you often enough how pretty you are."  What a great thing for him to say, especially since I've been feeling quite green as of late.

It reminded me that we don't have to have money or even a lot of time to show our spouse some love. 

Quentin L. Cook said in this most recent General Conference, "we can spend our lives trying to be more loving and kind, regardless of the adversity we face" and it moved me when I heard it and my darling husband reminded me of that this morning.  Now sleep deprivation may not seem like a huge adversity, but as of late I'll tell you what, it is feeling like quite the challenge for me!

It doesn't take much to show some love....sometimes all it takes is a few simple words :)

being grateful

The ensign had some amazing articles in it ....  I especially needed the one on showing gratitude and enduring WELL.

What a concept huh?  To endure well.  It's not the first time I've heard it nor will it be the last, but man it was what I needed.  I'm telling you, I have lots to be grateful for and that makes it easier to endure well.

So today I'm listing a few things I'm grateful for...

First and foremost I'm grateful for Jacob.  I don't know how I'd make it through many things without him.  He is kind and loving and he takes such good care of Paisley and I.  Sometimes I don't know how he does it.  Especially right now with me feeling crummy being pregnant.  He just endures well I think :)

I'm also grateful for the gospel and the impact it has had on my life and others too.  As I am surrounded by things that would be otherwise unbearable (death of a loved one being at the top of my mind lately), I am grateful for the peace the gospel brings in my life.  We are also waiting to hear back from dental schools and boy is that stressful AND I've learned through countless experiences that "everything will be okay".  So we are anxiously awaiting that news and grateful for the comfort that comes from knowing our Heavenly Father knows us and is watching out for us.

I'm grateful for my family...not just those who started out as Grannis', also those who are Foutz Family.  Everyone in our family teaches us so much.   I learn things from everyone in our family and I grow because I am watching and learning.  It's such a blessing to be a part of something like that.

Today started with me NOT enduring well, it's hard to find something I want to eat that doesn't make me feel sick and when I take to long to decide I feel sick and then don't want to eat and it's just an awful cycle and it gets me down.  I feel bad for being sick even though Jake doesn't mind (he's such a trooper).  And then I think of the article I read about enduring well.  So I had a bagel with cream cheese...which always helps....not super healthy, but not super unhealthy either.  I stretched and did some light yoga to try and get some energy.  I announced my pregnancy (what a weight off)...weird how that was freeing.  Now I'm writing about it and getting over it.  I'm grateful for the opportunities I have everyday to learn and grow.

I'm thinking about having an orange...doesn't that sound good?  How cool is it that we can pull something off a tree and eat it!  Small miracles huh?

Today can be a good day....if I choose for it to be!

sick of being sick

This is my whine post...so stop reading if you don't want to read my whining :)

Being sick for over a week now and still going strong might I add...is not fun!  I only have one thing that makes it better....when I think about trying to make it better...

Being so sick makes it hard to figure out what symptoms are this dreadful cold...and which are because I'm pregnant!

Still haven't told everyone about being pregnant so it's fun to be able to have a space where I can put that down in writing!

We are due around mid October with "Number 2"...exciting!

Okay that's it!

Good Bricks

Last night my husband and I were talking about lots of different things about making sure our marriage stays strong.

I have this new theory that goes along with the whole "build a strong foundation" suggestion.

We can either build with good bricks or bad bricks....

Examples of bad bricks would be:

-to much time spent on the computer when you could be interacting with your spouse (especially when kids are sleeping and you could really talk)
-overspending (I also see this one as wanting material things to hide behind...instead of finding joy in your relationship/family)
-routines (although some are good, it's so easy to get caught up in doing "things" when you should be having fun with your family)

NOW..rather than focus on all the bad bricks we could be using, here are some of the good bricks I could think of:

-compliments--they don't take any money and really don't take much time.  A compliment to your spouse can go a long way!
-reading--scriptures, church magazines, uplifting material...together and individually...when you surround yourself with positive and uplifting things you find yourself actually being more positive and uplifting!  (I know...get out of town, how simple is that?)
-moments--take a moment to show you care...for us we always kiss before we get out of the car...small I know....and it is amazing how important it is to us feeling recognized...if one of us forgets the other always misses it and points it out...
-reminisce--take a little time every now and again to remember one of the many reasons you chose to be married to your spouse...remembering those things brings you right back to those same feelings...it's wonderful
-give of yourself--sometimes it's nice to just give up a moment of your time/day to encourage your spouse to do something they love, whether you can or want to participate or not, it lets them know you want them to be happy and that you think about it.
-do for yourself--it's so easy to forget to take a minute/day/weekend for yourself and do for you!  If you don't have a little of this in between all the laundry, dishes, hugs, boo-boo kisses, etc, you will go crazy and we all know that's not good for anybody!
-pray--you'll find the strength, the answers, the comfort, the whatever you are in need of.  There's no doubt about it.

I guess for me these thoughts stem from wanting to keep my marriage alive and strong...I want to learn from the people around me and not repeat their mistakes and repeat their greatness. 

There are so many more things that I can think of, but I can't seem to get them all out in this post, so I'm sure I'll visit this topic again and again.  I guess that's really the point anyways isn't it?  To keep learning and growing, in spite of ourselves.

Does it ever stop?

You know.

That stupid feeling that goes something like "am I ever going to be ____ enough"

you can insert words like:

cool
good
smart
thin
witty


The list goes on and on.

Today I was surprised to be reminded just how awkward I often feel.  Why do I still feel a need to be accepted by EVERYONE.  Those I feel the most need to be accepted by of course being my family.  It's odd how I can be very comfortable with "me" in new and unfamiliar settings, like our new ward or a new job or...well I don't have another example.  And then BLAM!  Somebody "rejects" ME...and it's not always in a big way or even a noticeable way, it just feels very obvious to me, that they don't want me...or my help or whatever it is I thought I had to offer.

As I reflected on this moment for a little while, feeling bummed to use a technical term, I realized that it's not always about ME....I know what you are thinking..DUH (another very technical term).

Often times I feel rejected when I offer "help" to someone and they don't utilize it...or want it.  It feels like a complete blast at who I am. Why do I take it so personally?  I don't take everyone's advice. 

Then I realized something about this one situation in particular that actually probably applies to a lot of those situations I find myself in.

You ready for this....

I CAN be helpful to the people I love and care for...yeah it's really that simple.  Okay not really.  BUT..there is hope.  You see, what I realized is that every time I question my "me"...Satan gains a little more power over me....and I am less able to be kind and loving and supportive.  Not just towards those that I care about, but also to myself.  I may not know exactly how those people need my help, but I know that if I trust in the Lord I will come across what I can do to help even if it appears to be by accident.

So here is what I will be trying to do in the future when I come across a similar situation....

1-don't judge
2-show love
3-give hugs
4-offer to help if they can think of a way I can
5-wait...

oh and ironically although #1 would appear to be the hardest (and it's truly a hard one)...#5 is what kills me! I'm a total control freak...it's so hard to have the courage to have some faith in that all things work out given time.

I have lots of ideas and thoughts on how I can be a better more Christlike person...and everyday I hope I can be reminded to keep trying harder...so today I'll work while I wait...

ya know..."Faith without works"....