Good Bricks

Last night my husband and I were talking about lots of different things about making sure our marriage stays strong.

I have this new theory that goes along with the whole "build a strong foundation" suggestion.

We can either build with good bricks or bad bricks....

Examples of bad bricks would be:

-to much time spent on the computer when you could be interacting with your spouse (especially when kids are sleeping and you could really talk)
-overspending (I also see this one as wanting material things to hide behind...instead of finding joy in your relationship/family)
-routines (although some are good, it's so easy to get caught up in doing "things" when you should be having fun with your family)

NOW..rather than focus on all the bad bricks we could be using, here are some of the good bricks I could think of:

-compliments--they don't take any money and really don't take much time.  A compliment to your spouse can go a long way!
-reading--scriptures, church magazines, uplifting material...together and individually...when you surround yourself with positive and uplifting things you find yourself actually being more positive and uplifting!  (I know...get out of town, how simple is that?)
-moments--take a moment to show you care...for us we always kiss before we get out of the car...small I know....and it is amazing how important it is to us feeling recognized...if one of us forgets the other always misses it and points it out...
-reminisce--take a little time every now and again to remember one of the many reasons you chose to be married to your spouse...remembering those things brings you right back to those same feelings...it's wonderful
-give of yourself--sometimes it's nice to just give up a moment of your time/day to encourage your spouse to do something they love, whether you can or want to participate or not, it lets them know you want them to be happy and that you think about it.
-do for yourself--it's so easy to forget to take a minute/day/weekend for yourself and do for you!  If you don't have a little of this in between all the laundry, dishes, hugs, boo-boo kisses, etc, you will go crazy and we all know that's not good for anybody!
-pray--you'll find the strength, the answers, the comfort, the whatever you are in need of.  There's no doubt about it.

I guess for me these thoughts stem from wanting to keep my marriage alive and strong...I want to learn from the people around me and not repeat their mistakes and repeat their greatness. 

There are so many more things that I can think of, but I can't seem to get them all out in this post, so I'm sure I'll visit this topic again and again.  I guess that's really the point anyways isn't it?  To keep learning and growing, in spite of ourselves.

Does it ever stop?

You know.

That stupid feeling that goes something like "am I ever going to be ____ enough"

you can insert words like:

cool
good
smart
thin
witty


The list goes on and on.

Today I was surprised to be reminded just how awkward I often feel.  Why do I still feel a need to be accepted by EVERYONE.  Those I feel the most need to be accepted by of course being my family.  It's odd how I can be very comfortable with "me" in new and unfamiliar settings, like our new ward or a new job or...well I don't have another example.  And then BLAM!  Somebody "rejects" ME...and it's not always in a big way or even a noticeable way, it just feels very obvious to me, that they don't want me...or my help or whatever it is I thought I had to offer.

As I reflected on this moment for a little while, feeling bummed to use a technical term, I realized that it's not always about ME....I know what you are thinking..DUH (another very technical term).

Often times I feel rejected when I offer "help" to someone and they don't utilize it...or want it.  It feels like a complete blast at who I am. Why do I take it so personally?  I don't take everyone's advice. 

Then I realized something about this one situation in particular that actually probably applies to a lot of those situations I find myself in.

You ready for this....

I CAN be helpful to the people I love and care for...yeah it's really that simple.  Okay not really.  BUT..there is hope.  You see, what I realized is that every time I question my "me"...Satan gains a little more power over me....and I am less able to be kind and loving and supportive.  Not just towards those that I care about, but also to myself.  I may not know exactly how those people need my help, but I know that if I trust in the Lord I will come across what I can do to help even if it appears to be by accident.

So here is what I will be trying to do in the future when I come across a similar situation....

1-don't judge
2-show love
3-give hugs
4-offer to help if they can think of a way I can
5-wait...

oh and ironically although #1 would appear to be the hardest (and it's truly a hard one)...#5 is what kills me! I'm a total control freak...it's so hard to have the courage to have some faith in that all things work out given time.

I have lots of ideas and thoughts on how I can be a better more Christlike person...and everyday I hope I can be reminded to keep trying harder...so today I'll work while I wait...

ya know..."Faith without works"....